When Killing Everyone, Remember to Stay Happy

Please excuse this poor excuse for a post.  Not all of writing is pretty happy shiny.

So, the book I’m writing involves a series of increasingly grim tales of an apocalypse that nearly wipes out humanity.  Things are getting depressing.  I usually have troubles when I’m in the thick of writing something hard, like character deaths.

And every single chapter is a character death.  Oh no, not just one… dozens.  Hundreds.  Cumulatively, ultimately, billions.  :/  I’m killing the world here.  And it’s taking it out of me.  I am actually getting sick because of it, or maybe it’s just compounding an already terrible feeling.  That’s probably it.  When I get sick I feel terrible; I’m experiencing a perfect storm of feeling like poop.

All-day headache, awesome.  Crushing feeling of depression (I am not depressed, that is not a phrase to brandy about lightly).  Sore throat.  The blehgs.  Usually it lasts a day.  Today was day three, and the headache was new.

I’d forgotten about this aspect of writing.  My last novel didn’t have any death in it.  It was rather upbeat.  I loved writing it.

This is the first major work I’ve written where I can’t wait to be done.  I am actually looking forward to the process of finding an agent or publisher for it (the part I usually dread).  Normally, the writing is a joy.  This is some strange monster of joy and sorrow and anguish.  My best yet.  I can’t wait for it to be over.

Because I know I’ll be able to sell it.

I just have to get the damn thing written first.

Last week I set out to do a segment that ended on an upnote, a ray of sunshine in a dark, dark world.  However, it made more sense for the narrative to take such a devastating turn that it worked out brilliantly, but has left me exhausted.

I won’t harp on about it.  I guess, if you’re going to be writing something dark, prepare yourself.  I should have know this would happen.  It’s happened before.  …Not like this though.  I’ll get through it, and I think the work will be better for it.

Such death, so apocalypse.  Wow.  Many depress.  Wow.

A remedy: this video (NSFW, in that, it’s hilarious, but you might not want your boss seeing this over your shoulder).

Chin up.  Stiff upper lip.  All that wot wot.

Heidi out.


About H.G. Bells

H.G. Bells writes around the intersections of sci-fi, fantasy, and horror. She has several short stories in print, and is repped by Beth Campbell for her novel Sleep Over, coming soon from Skyhorse Publishing.
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2 Responses to When Killing Everyone, Remember to Stay Happy

  1. Hello!

    I agree that killing off characters can be hard – especially when they’re the ones you’ve become attached to. I think it’s actually easier to kill off billions of nobodies than it is to kill off just a few of the ones you love.

    I hope that doesn’t make me a psychopath 😐

    Many good wishes. Such hope you finish soon. Wow.

    • Hi Rhiannon, thanks for the reply. I totally thought the same thing! Haha, doesn’t make you a psychopath, we have to be ready to kill characters, known and unknown. 🙂 I’m feeling much better this morning; it was perhaps an extended period of “the ennui” as I like to call it, combined with all that other nonsense.

      I wish you luck in your own writing endeavours! Remember, you’re not “unpublished”, you’re “pre-published”. 😀

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